I cannot find my penis.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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