Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
