So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
