I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
