I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
