And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
