thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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