Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
