Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
