I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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