Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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