who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
