I wish my penis had an off switch
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
