can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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