so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
