I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize