We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
As shirtless as possible
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
