this boner is exhausting
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
