Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
