Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
