Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
