remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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