I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
