We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
