My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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