Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
