I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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