Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
