Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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