Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
