On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize