I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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