Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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