She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
