dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
