three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
