just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
