He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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