There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
