Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
