I CAN MOONWALK!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
