The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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