The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Oh god it's open bar.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
