i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
