I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
