no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
