I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize