I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
