great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
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You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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