Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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