Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
