i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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