Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My ass is underappreciated
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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