You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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