Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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