Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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