Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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