I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
