This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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