we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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