Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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