i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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