The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
