Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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