it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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