after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
