Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
