lets start a swedish sibling band together
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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