I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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