The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize