you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
