I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
