Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
