need another drink. this is the easiest way
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
