Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
MIDGETS
????
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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