We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
