It's Friday. Sex?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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